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In the begining, people will be in an exploratory phase about the other person - learning about their likes and dislikes, what it is about the other person that THEY like and dislike, and so on. To establish rules and state that "THIS is how our relationship will be" at this stage of a relationship would be a mistake I believe, especially as I cannot see how there would be true trust between the partners at that stage.

A relationship should grow organically - trying to force something that is not there is incredibly false, and is a recipe for failure.

I have found Taken In Hand to be about relationships, how to keep them healthy, and this is how I interpret Sarah's article. A relationship will always be fluid, as people grow, change and develop, their relationship will grow change and develop. Trying to stamp down on questions about where the relationship is going, and how it gets there, is to my mind unhealthy (probably abusive).

A man must be big enough to admit he makes mistakes, and accept that there is no "one way" to success. Each woman will have her own wants, needs and preferences. Rather than trying to force her into a jello mold of what HE wants, a man should work with his partner towards a relationship where they both fell comfortable and trusted.

Have a good one

Rob.

by Robert G. on 2005 Jun 19 - 15:57 | reply to this comment
200% Right
Dear Sarah,

You are at least 200% right here. (All right, it makes no mathematical sense, but you know what I mean!).

I've always considered most accusations of "topping from the bottom" to be a bogus way of cutting off communication and usurping power that was not legitimately given.

There have been a few occasions where I have experienced "topping from the bottom" in a play scene with men. Usually this happens with men who identify as dominant but are curious to explore the other side. They are so used to being in command that they will tell me exactly how to go about topping them. It can get to the point where I feel like I am a marionette, spanking the guy to his exact specifications, with the same man over my head pulling the strings to make my hand go up and down.
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