#author("2022-01-28T20:07:25+09:00","","")
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#author("2022-02-04T00:38:11+09:00","","")
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Amelia, may I remind you, and everyone else who might miss this concept, that Taken In Hand is about consent?

He does not have your consent to treat you in this manner. You did not consent to feeling this way. He is not fulfilling his part of the agreement: that being Taken In Hand is supposed to make BOTH of you happy with the relationship, not just him.

The obvious, temporary solution is to withdraw your consent. Make sure he knows you are doing this, and make equally sure he understands the consequences if he then does anything that you don't want.

THEN, the two of you need to sit down together and discuss where you want the relationship to go and, if you still want it, how being Taken In Hand will fit into that relationship. You must both keep in mind that it is the woman's choice, not the man's, and that it is a gift. Being Taken In Hand is supposed to bring two people closer together and cement the relationship, not create a power struggle.

If you choose to submit to him, and he chooses then to accept that, he has this huge obligation to see to your safety, security and happiness. You have the equally huge obligation to make sure he is kept up-to-date on how things are going with you, and to make sure he holds himself accountable for his behaviour.

I hate to ask this, but did you hold him accountable right from the start?

As I said, my best advice is to give things a time-out and make sure he knows that, as well as what's involved in a time-out. Then sit down and talk.

It's surprising how quickly things can get out of control when Taken In Hand is not fully understood by both parties.

Sharon

by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Feb 5 - 18:16 | reply to this comment
Communicate, communicate, communicate
Blush's reply is one of the best to Amelia. I don't know how long you've been in the relationship, Amelia, but you do sound as if something is lacking. Long about 1981 (!) Mrs Thorney felt I wasn't paying enough attention (this was back in our dating, and sleeping together sometimes, days) and really insisted on a long talk - with interruptions, it took several
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