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Unless I have got this completely wrong, which I may well have done, it seems from what you have said here and in other discussions, that your 'official' submission to your husband's authority doesn't really extend beyond the sexual, except in the sense that you have discovered that it enhances and improves your relationship in other areas if you treat him with greater respect and consideration than perhaps you gave him in the past. Overall though, if you chose to withdraw that gift of extra respect, it wouldn't necessarily change your bedroom dynamics, where the D/s aspect would still prevail and you would still regard youself as 'submissive' within the bounds of your particular arrangement.
In the past we have fairly often discussed the difference between being 'submissive' and being a 'doormat'. Perhaps unintentionally, on these occasions, you and several other people who have a similar views, have, implied that, even if she has chosen to do so of her own volition, a woman who gives up control to her partner in other areas of her relationship, whether it be a limited control over practical things like finacial matters or a much more far reaching control over more personal things like mode of dress, is not 'submissive' but is a 'doormat'.
When you give the word that type of connotation, is it any wonder that some people don't want to be given the label 'submissive' even if they DO submit in some areas?
Just a thought,
Ros
by Ros on 2005 Feb 12 - 07:33 | reply to this comment
If it doesn't give you pleasure, why do it?
I don't think a woman is being a doormat if she gives up financial control or whatever if she is happy with that, I would consider her to be a doormat if she gave up control in areas she wasn't happy with. If it gave her pleasure to, say, dress in a way that her husband liked then that wouldn't be being a doormat, but if she wore clothes that she absolutely hated because he wanted her to, then I'd think of that as doormat behaviour I suppose. For instance, I wear this totally stupid underwear that my husband likes, it gives me pleasure to do this because it turns him on so much. But he'd like it if I wore mini skirts, and I'm not going to do that because honestly at my age and size I would just feel silly and it would embarrass me,not to mention being very draughty, and anyhow he doesn't mind me wearing leggings and jeans so long as they're tight.
I think giving up control is all right if it's going to make you both happier, but not otherwise. for instance, when I was in the first flush of enthusiasm for this Taken In Hand thing, I asked my
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