nodeage76

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If this is anything but happy, then it has to be closed down until repairs or adjustments are made. I mean is it worth losing an entire relationship over when the communication is down? Probably not. But it's not worth destroying it either because one of you is no longer doing it from the place of love.

I remember asking Gary once what would happen if I just said NO to something. I was serious. I was asking would he force me. Would he leave me. What would happen? And he looked at me and asked me the same question. What would happen if I just refused to participate. And thinking about it, I got my answer. Nothing would happen. And I would be able to say No, if I felt strongly about it. However, the saying no paves the way for 'Why Not?'. And then you can work out the problems.

If Gary ever came from a place where he were not allowing me to be me, my radar would come up so fast I'd be looking for an exit. And no way would I be able to respond to him in my usual happy manner. And he would have to be a brick not to notice. So if you are showing signs of unhappiness and he is not wanting to talk about it, close it down. Make time for re-establish. For every bump along the way, the connection gets stronger with the resolution....Blush

by Blush on 2005 Feb 5 - 17:14 | reply to this comment How much control is too much? Amelia...You have already been given some good practical advice in how to best relate to your boyfriend over this issue. I hope something like it works for you. I would like to give you, such as it is, a more theoretical overview which I think forms a common enough understanding in the Taken In Hand community.

Taken In Hand is a relational construct which at its best will meet the needs of both partners by enriching their physical, emotional and intimate connection. Since it is relational by its nature, it is a two way street. Yes, the man controls the relating, and their are good reasons for the necessity he do this which this small space is not sufficient to explain, but his control is limited by the relationship you commonly share. In other words, if he is going to change the way you relate, he can do this through force of his own behavior (such as you describe he is doing) or he can allow your consent to determine any change for him. In this latter way, he can be assured any change is beneficial to the relationship by meeting the standards of enhanced physical, emotional and intimate connection. If he continues to act on his own, to change how you relate to each other without your consent, this will form increasing disconnects. It doesn't sound like you are doing this, you want change, but in some cases the woman falls into the trap of "I'm not submissive enough" or he does